"When a Woman You Love was Abused" by Dawn Scott Jones (A Litfuse Blog Tour with Review))

A Husband’s Guide to Help His Wife Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that 80 percent of childhood abuse victims later suffer from at least one abuse-induced psychological disorder. It’s proven that the effects of childhood abuse follow women into adulthood. Yet few men are prepared to deal with those effects, even when their own wife is the one who is suffering. And their wife’s suffering becomes their own suffering as their needs aren’t being met by a wife who is powerless to control her inner turmoil.

Author, pastor, and survivor Dawn Scott Jones candidly shares her own abuse experience to help husbands understand the varied emotions, fears, distorted thoughts, and triggers that hold their wives captive. In practical and accessible language, Jones explains the stages of the healing journey (processing denial, asking for help, grieving, expressing anger, learning to forgive, and finding resolution). Building on that knowledge, Jones then moves to an honest discussion of what husbands can do to help. Whether it’s creating a healing environment, understanding the need for control, building trust, or even just praying for healing, a husband plays an active role in helping his wife survive and thrive despite her past abuse.

Offering hope for a healthy marriage relationship, When a Woman You Love Was Abused answers the questions men have and offers the advice they need to help their wives finally find peace.

Bio:  For over twenty years God has graciously used Dawn to touch the lives of people through her affecting personal testimony, her humor, and her writing. Dawn’s past challenges have deepened and enriched her ministry; enabling her to truly understand and relate to what others are going through.

Dawn is an Ordained Minister with the Assemblies of God. She has served in various capacities including Executive Team Pastor, Small Groups Pastor, and Woman’s Ministry Director. Dawn travels Nation-wide speaking, training and consulting.
Find out more about Dawn Scott at http://www.dawnjones.org/.
Blog Tour Schedule: http://litfusegroup.com/campaigns/when-a-woman-you-love-was-abused-by-dawn-scott-jones-blog-tour-and-women-redeemed-live-webcast-event-920

Live Webcast Event:  September 20, 2012
5 PM PDT / 8PM EDT
Click below to register!

In coordination with the launch of their fall releases, Kregel will be hosting a live webcast event on September 20 at 8 PM EDT featuring authors Kim Ketola (Cradle My Heart), Teske Drake (Hope for Today, Promises for Tomorrow), and Dawn Scott Jones (When a Woman You Love Was Abused). The webcast will allow women to come together to share their struggles and fears in order to move toward healing and hope. Women will able to support one another and discuss shared experiences in a non-threatening, open and loving environment. 

Cat Hoort of Kregel says, “”We are seeking to provide safe means for Christian women to be vulnerable with each other, to seek help and guidance from authors and counselors, and to find encouragement from those who have shared similar experiences. Our hope is that the Women Redeemed webcast will become a forum for hurting women as well as for those who can help. Kim, Teske, and Dawn are all survivors and their stories will surely inspire and equip other women to move toward healing and hope.”

To register for the event, just click here. {https://www.facebook.com/KregelBooks/app_241719209283045}

My Review:

Dawn Scott Jones, in her book, When a Woman You Love Was Abused, has written a superb, comprehensive guide for husbands to help their wives overcome the after effects of childhood sexual abuse/molestation in their marriage.  It’s deep, it’s personal, and it’s in-depth.

Dawn has written her book in three parts:

1. Understanding the Survivor–uniqueness; stolen innocence; circumstances of the abuse; dealing with the emotions; replacing the lies; image of God; and sexual intimacy
2. Understanding the Healing Process–healing stages; denial; deciding to heal; remembering and surviving crisis; talking; grieving; anger; forgiving
3. How You (The Husband) Can Help–fostering a healing environment; understanding her needs; building trust; praying for her; support for the husband; questions; finding peace

All three sections describe in intricate detail the issues as they may unfold–delineating the common symptoms women display and how the husband can understand, address and deal with them; be empathetic and validating; and get support for himself.  Though the issue of counseling isn’t directly dealt with, I feel it’s a given from reading the book.   What makes the information so pertinent and realistic is the fact that the author has gone through abuse herself.

Though the book is written with husbands in mind, I found the book helpful for the abused woman as well, helping her understand her behaviors and some of the necessary steps she will need to go through.  Both parties may be bewildered by the circumstances that unfold as she starts remembering the abuse.  I would venture that this information could possibly help her work through the issues more quickly or at least be aware of what is transpiring.

Though the steps to healing may be difficult, I found Dawn’s book opens the door for hope as she shares her testimony.  With both spouses being aware of the complications and issues, there is more opportunity of restoration in their marriage.

Dawn is clear that God is an every present guide and hope throughout the healing process, with prayer being an essential component.

This is a ‘must-have’ if your wife’s childhood sexual abuse issues are rearing their heads in your marriage.

I wanted to add another dimension that isn’t directly alluded to in the book:  Some women were abused at such a young age, that they learned to dissociate, some to the point of dissociative identity disorder (MPD).  A good Christian psychologist or social worker is needed to open up those hidden parts.  With that, I’ll add a poem:

Down in the deep, dark depths of my soul
Sits a little, frightened girl.
Wondering…waiting…for someone to help.

Oh, how she agonizes deep in the night,
Wondering how anyone could cause such a fright.
Wondering…waiting…deep in the night.

What is this feeling so deep in my heart,
This crushing, heavy weight pulling me apart?
Wondering…pondering…deep in my heart.

What is the cause of it?  I beg you to say.
Will I ever be allowed just to play?
Wondering…wondering… what you will say.

Agony, agony–will I ever be free?
Whatever, whatever will become of me?
Wondering…waiting…so patiently.

Jesus will do the the work of setting this girl/woman free.  He’s faithful and true.

There is a complementary book if the husband has also been abused.  Check out When a Man You Love Was Abused by Cecil Murphy.

This book was provided free by Amy Lathrop and Christen Krumm of the Litfuse Publicity Group in exchange for my honest opinion.  No monetary compensation was exchanged.