“The Beautiful Wife” by Sandy Ralya (My Review)

FULFILLED IN MARRIAGE WHEN FOCUSED ON CHRIST

When Sandy Ralya’s marriage was in trouble, she was desperate for help but didn’t know how to ask for it. Everyone else’s marriage seemed so perfect. How could she admit hers was not?

Sandy eventually sought guidance from godly mentors and Christian counselors. What she learned transformed her life . . . and then her marriage. Now, she wants to provide other wives with the same nurturing and mentoring that saved her relationship.

Whether your marriage struggles are few or many, The Beautiful Wife offers biblical principles, practical tips, and inspiring stories to guide and encourage you as you look for God’s best in your marriage. Use this book along with the Beautiful Womanhood website, The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal or The Beautiful Wife Mentor’s Guide to lead other women through a study of the book and together build loving, godly, and supportive relationships with other wives.

“When women share with each other the details of their journeys with God as wives,” writes Sandy, “it’s a beautiful thing indeed.”

Also available:

1. The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal:  Nurture your faith as you nurture your marriage

God wants you to have a great marriage! If you have “but how” and “what if” questions about your relationship with your husband, The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal will motivate you to discover the plan God has for you and your spouse. As you read each chapter of The Beautiful Wife, this prayer journal will enrich your journey with:

• Instruction on how to pray for you, your husband, and your relationship
• Dedicated space to journal your reflections on topics discussed in The Beautiful Wife
• Scripture verses that will deepen your understanding of God’s Word
• Guidance on setting goals and envisioning change in your marriage

Whether you’re using this book alone, alongside devotions or articles found on beautifulwomanhood.com, or as part of a Beautiful Womanhood small group, The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal will offer encouragement and fresh insight on what it means to be a beautiful wife.

2. The Beautiful Wife Mentor’s Guide: An all-in-one resource for building a marriage mentoring ministry in your church or community

With more than half of all marriages ending in divorce, it’s easy for women to feel anxious over whether their marriage has what it takes to survive. Sometimes the best advice comes from other wives who have experienced the same struggles.

In The Beautiful Wife Mentor’s Guide, critically acclaimed author, Sandy Ralya, gives you everything you need to support your God-given call to mentor other wives.   Inside you’ll find:

• Instructions on how to implement Beautiful Womanhood small groups
• Guidance on becoming a confident marriage mentor
• Hostess tips to simplify hospitality for God’s glory
• Week-by-week leader’s materials, including prayers, discussion points, and optional activities

Use this resource with The Beautiful Wife, The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal, and other resources available on beautifulwomanhood.com to grow a small group community where you and other Christian wives can share the journey of discovering God’s heart for your marriage.

~~~

When author and speaker Sandy Ralya’s marriage was in trouble, she walked into church each Sunday morning desperate for help, but not daring to ask for it because everyone else’s marriage seemed so perfect. Her life appeared beautiful on the outside, but on the inside it was a mess.

Over time, Sandy turned to God by reading the Bible and prayer and sought guidance from trusted friends, godly mentors and wise Christian counselors. What she learned transformed her life and then her marriage.

The loving support that Sandy received from other women on her own journey inspired her to become the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, a Christian marriage mentoring ministry for wives.

Since the year 2003, thousands of women have been directly impacted by Sandy’s marriage teachings, attending Beautiful Womanhood small groups led by marriage mentors, and applying The Beautiful Wife mentoring curriculum. This curriculum is a powerful resource praised by bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn as “an incredible handbook that every woman needs.”

Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980 and live near Grand Rapids, Michigan.  They have three adult children and a growing number of grandchildren.  When not writing and speaking, Sandy enjoys shopping at yard sales for vintage clothing, cooking, traveling, and drinking really good coffee, (black is best) with her husband.

Source.

Endorsement: 

“I believe this book will be life-changing for many, many women and their marriages.”–Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only (Jeff Feldhahn has a book, For Men Only)

My Review:

The Beautiful Wife, by Sandy Ralya, is based on Titus 2:2-5, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, … so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, … children, … being subject to their own husbands, so that the Word of God will not be dishonored.”

Sandy’s book is instrumental in teaching wives how to become a Christ-centered wife that complements her husband and cares for her family.  Sandy doesn’t just tell you what you should be doing, but gives personal and other examples that help you understand the concept.  She’s very transparent about her own marriage so you know that everyone has struggles.

The first chapter, Equipping for the Journey, is pivotal to the rest of the book.  Sandy lists several steps that are vital:

1. Turn to God:  Be Still; Worship; Read the Bible; Pray
2. Understand Your Role:  Equal Partner, Friend, Helper, Prayer Warrior
3. Share Within a Community of Women:  Humility, Transparency and Accountability

The rest of the book is centered on these three important issues.  Part of it is accomplished by the Reflection section, where you answer questions about yourself with deep honesty and transparency.  The First Steps section will give you some goals/steps that you will be expected to follow through on, and will be held accountable for at the next meeting.  As Sandy would ask, “After all, isn’t that why you’ve made time to study The Beautiful Wife?”

The other chapters include the following.  They are in-depth and handled with grace.

1. Self-Care
2. Living Genuinely
3. Cultivating Mystique
4. Inviting Romance
5. Thoughts About Sex
6. Opening Communication–Speaking the Truth in Love
7. Managing Money
8. Creating a Culture of Beauty
9. Professionalizing the Roles of Wife/Mother
10. Choosing God’s Best

One thing I suggest when you read the book, is to remember it’s written for wives, not husbands.  I struggled with some of the concepts because I felt it fit both spouses.  And a lot of it does, but Sandy is only focusing on the woman’s part.  That will help calm down some of those hackles that start to rise when you think the woman has to do all the changing.

My biggest complaint is that this book wasn’t available when I first got married!  Growing up with three brothers, being a tomboy, and not getting much motherly advice on the ways of women made our marriage difficult for a number of years as well.  I could have used a lot of the advice written between the covers of this book!  So much practical and Scriptural advice!   Also, please heed the advice about sexual and physical abuse issues.  You will most likely need professional help.

If you whole-heartedly persist with God and the Holy Spirit, your marriage can be changed to be a light to others, while creating a peaceful, loving home environment for your husband, your children and yourself.  It’s a win-win situation.

This study can be implemented in home groups, church-hosted meetings, or one-on-one mentoring.  I would recommend Sandy’s book for single women thinking about marriage as well as engaged women.

This book was provided by Cat Hoort of Kregel Publications.  My review is my own honest opinion.  No monetary compensation was exchanged.

Thursday, May 17, 2012~~Bible Study Expo presented by Sandy Ralya

SANDY RALYA’S 2012 BIBLE STUDY EXPO!

On Thursday, May 17, 2012, Kregel author, Sandy Ralya, will kick off the 2012 Bible Study Expo.

Sandy will reveal the story behind her book The Beautiful Wife and share how the book became a full-time marriage mentoring ministry, Beautiful Womanhood. Sandy’s testimony will be shared at 1:00pm (CST). Shortly thereafter, listeners will have a chance to hear and interact with other authors and speakers, including Pam Farrel, Sheila Walsh, Babbie Mason, Cindy Jacobs, and more.  Visit www.biblestudyexpo.com for more information and to attend the event!

Hosted by Marnie Swedberg, the mentor to thousands of ministry leaders from over 30 countries, the expo is completely free and completely online. Visit www.biblestudyexpo.com for more information and to attend the event! 

Description:
There was a time when author Sandy Ralya’s marriage was in trouble. She needed help but she was afraid to ask for it. At the time, she didn’t know that hundreds of other wives were struggling with the same issues she was. Though Sandy eventually sought guidance from godly mentors and Christian counselors, other women remain silent. Many churches lack ministries and resources to reach out and help these women.

Sandy Ralya founded Beautiful Womanhood in 2003 to provide the same nurturing and mentoring that changed her life and her marriage and began to speak to hundreds of women each year. Hearing the stories of women like herself, Sandy realized the need for resources based on practical teaching, sound research, and real-life experiences. The Beautiful Wife uses these inspiring stories along with biblical principles to guide and encourage any wife looking for God’s best in her marriage. The Beautiful Wife answers serious questions women have about their roles as wives. Discussing everything from romance and money to beauty, communication, and sex, Sandy challenges women to open up and share their journeys so that together they can see God’s plan for their marriages. “It is my passion to help women discover God’s heart for their marriage, just as other women helped me,” writes Sandy. “When women share with each other the details of their journeys with God as wives, it’s a beautiful thing indeed.”

Information provided by Kregel Publications.

“Indemnity” by Paula Wiseman (Book Two: Covenant of Trust Series)

JUST WHEN BOBBI THINKS CHUCK’S AFFAIR IS BEHIND THEM…

A SHATTERED CHILDHOOD.

A MENDED MARRIAGE.

BOUND TOGETHER BY ONE LITTLE BOY.

After years of believing Chuck’s affair is behind them, Bobbi’s marriage is tested again when Tracy Ravenna resurfaces.  Tracy’s not alone, though.  Jackson Charles Ravenna is the newest student in Bobbi’s first grade class and the spitting image of her husband.  When Chuck decides to pursue joint custody, they discover Jack isn’t the only secret Tracy’s been hiding.

As Tracy’s past begins to threaten their future with Jack, Bobbi is forced to face the unsettling truth about God’s grace.  But this time, what will it cost to forgive the unforgivable?

Excerpt.

Bio:

I was born during the Summer of Love in Ashland, KY. I’m wife and mom of three, and a former chemist. I home school, I run a little, I’m a huge football and basketball fan, a hopeless nerd with a little techie geek thrown in. I teach Sunday school, I’m the Science Lady at Washington Elementary and I am so left-handed. I have a little dog, and a hateful cat.

Well, truth be told, I’ve been writing since I was a kid. I modeled my favorite stories, or wrote sequels to them. I wrote a full length novel while I was in college, and it currently resides in a dusty folder under my desk.

After a writing exercise, a plot began to form and a story began to nag at me, so in July 2005, I started work on the book that became Contingency.

In December 2010, Contingency, Book One of Covenant of Trust Series released. Indemnity followed in April 2011, building on the success and popularity of Contingency.  The highly anticipated Book Three, Precedent released in October 2011.

My Review:

Paula has attained another peak with her book, Indemnity, the second in her Covenant of Trust Series. In Contingency, Chuck Molinsky has committed adultery with Tracy Ravenna, with the subsequent fallout of Chuck and Bobbi’s marriage and roller-coaster ride of emotional upheavals that befell the whole family, hitting Bobbi the hardest.  Trust almost became an obscene word to Bobbi, let alone forgiveness of her husband.

After seven years of a quiet marital reconciliation, Tracy and her son, Jackson Charles Ravenna, arrive back in town.  The bombshell explodes as Bobbi finds out about Chuck’s son from his adulterous affair when she finds Tracy has enrolled Jack in her first grade class.  Emotional upheavals plow through Bobbi’s mind and heart, uprooting their family system with the news of a half-brother. Trust in her husband’s fidelity, attraction to Tracy, and honesty is revisited, while she wonders if Tracy’s manipulations and Jack’s appearance will destroy their marriage.   Chuck filing for joint custody is an unconscionable act in Bobbi’s mind.  Will Bobbi be able to trust and forgive once again?

What makes Paula’s book so pertinent and relevant is the absolute reality and pain of the circumstances, emotions, interventions, resolutions, and family reactions.  You are pulled into the family dynamics once again.  It’s intimate and personal.  You hurt when they hurt.  The fact that Paula has Bobbi trusting in Chuck’s re-commitment to the Lord and his marriage through their months of Godly counseling shows the strength of hope, faith and forgiveness in a very personal and meaningful way.  Prayer is an integral part of the story, as should be in a Christian marriage.

An added dimension of tragedy in Tracy’s life is added to the story, which tugs on your heartstrings even deeper.  Paula weaves this suspense throughout the story, keeping you on edge.  The shocking end brings tears to your eyes.

I am thoroughly grateful for the way that Paula shows how God can work out any circumstance if we commit everything to prayer and trust in Him.   It’s what gives me hope.

If you’ve read Contingency, be sure to pick up Indemnity.  It will bless your heart in ways you wouldn’t expect.   I would highly suggest you read Contingency first.

This book was provided by Paula Wiseman in exchange for my honest review.  No monetary compensation was exchanged.

Review of Contingency.

“Contingency” by Paula Wiseman

They Never Planned for Adultery

Bobbi Molinsky’s comfortable life is shattered when a forwarded email from her husband’s account lands in her inbox. The email teases, “My whole evening is free again.” After an angry confrontation with Chuck, she is left with the broken remains of an eighteen year marriage. Bobbi agrees forgiving Chuck is the right thing, the God-honoring thing to do, but it leaves her empty and isolated. Teaching her second-graders is a burden. Taking care of her boys saps all her energy. It seems God Himself has walked away, leaving her to struggle alone. Bobbi can’t deny the transformation in Chuck, but genuine forgiveness requires trust, and trust is a risk she’s not willing to take. Can she let go of her deepest, most primal fears and save her marriage?

Excerpt:  http://www.paulawiseman.com/contingency1/

In addition to buying Paula’s book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc., it’s available on unabridged audio here. (Thanks to Jeffrey K.)

BIO:
I was born during the Summer of Love in Ashland, KY, but I moved to Pedro, OH after I married Jon, and now we live in Robinson, IL. I graduated from Eastern Kentucky University with a bachelor’s degree in Chemistry. I had a teaching certificate, but went to work for Ashland Petroleum Company as a chemist in the R&D department until my firstborn came along.  I write about real-world faith. Faith that isn’t perfect, but is willing to struggle, to ask questions, and ultimately to answer the call to live beyond our limits.

I have three wonderful kids, a little dog, and a hateful cat.

You can email her at paula@paulawiseman.com

My Review:

Bobbi Molinsky’s life as she knew it plummeted when a forwarded email from her husband (Chuck’s) account, hinting at a secret rendezvous, lands in her inbox while he is out of town.  Upon confronting Chuck with the email, he doesn’t deny anything, claims it would have been better not to have come home, turns around, and leaves, after eighteen years of marriage!

Paula Wiseman, in Contingency, doesn’t hold back on any of the emotions that occur from the fallout due to marital infidelity.  It’s raw, emotional, heart-breaking, destructive, brutal, and honest.   Bobbi’s emotional roller coaster tears at your heart.  The destruction of the family is heart breaking.  The repercussions reverberate at work, with friends, church, and family.  Trust has been violated and crushed.  Paula did an excellent job of portraying the character’s feelings and issues.

Forgiveness and trust are paramount to the possibility of reconciliation, but the turmoil of the broken relationship seems never-ending. Reminders pop up unexpectedly. Bobbi knows forgiveness is what God requires, but can she let down her guard, trusting that Chuck will not re-offend?

The counsel that both Chuck and Bobbi receive is Godly and full of wisdom.  Paula’s book will validate the feelings of the party that was betrayed, yet doesn’t let him/her sit there in a pity party. It is Godly tough-love advice, the kind necessary to beat the enemy of our souls, who is trying to destroy marriages.  It’s a great book for counselors to share with clients.  In fact, this is a book that every couple, including engaged couples, should read just for the wise marital advice and warning signals that could lead to adultery.

Contingency is not an easy read, but a vital one.  The situations are real, emotional, devastating, and encouraging.  It’s about forgiveness.  Is forgiveness easy?  No, but it’s what God requires, just as He did on our behalf.  Forgive and you shall be forgiven; forgive not and you will not be forgiven.   But this kind of forgiveness comes only through the Holy Spirit’s power.  Although scary, it’s letting go and trusting God to bring you through to the other side, trusting once again.

This book opened my eyes to the numerous repercussions of adultery, the devastating emotional upheaval, and the hard work it takes to bring reconciliation.  But it’s worth it all.

This book was provided by the author, Paula Wiseman, in exchange for my honest review.  No monetary compensation was exchanged.

Moody Publishers’ Blogger Review: “Uncompromising” by Hannah Farver

We’re meant to have a cause.  There’s a reason for the “wildness” in us!

Uncompromising is about living for what Hannah calls the “One Cause” of Christ, and discusses secondary causes and counterfeit causes which pull young women away from their purpose. Hannah, a freshman at Patrick Henry College, writes from her own experience of a young woman grappling with faith, femininity, purity, and self-esteem, confessing her own struggles with an eating disorder and legalistic faith. She has been writing this book since she was 15, and exploring biblical womanhood through her blog, Beauty from the Heart, and the True Woman Movement’s blog.

Hannah Farver is a girl. She’s also a college student, writer, and blogger. She’s been interviewed on ABC, and sometimes her writing shows up in places like The Christian Post and WORLD magazine online. She’s also embarked on a national conference tour for young women.

Like most people her age she doesn’t know exactly what the future holds, but for now she is planning on a career in media–and more writing, of course. (She plans on a novel next.)

A native of Dallas, Texas, Hannah attends Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.

Endorsements:

“Girls today need a clear vision of Biblical, beautiful womanhood.  Hannah provides just that.”  –Alex and Brett Harris bestselling author of Do Hard Things and Start Here

“With insight, wit, and grace, Farver discusses some popular causes that seek to captivate the heart of today’s young woman.”  Mary A. Kassian, speaker, author of Girls Gone Wise and professor at Southern Seminary

My Review:

Uncompromising is a book written by young college student, Hannah Farver, for teens and young women for today.

There are ’causes’ that are competing every day for each young woman’s heart.  Hannah provides a list of ’causes’ that need to take a back seat or at least an attitude adjustment to the real Cause.  They sneak up very subtly, drawing young women unaware.

She’s not saying all these causes are wrong.  But they need to be put into the right priority and perspective.  The True Cause must take precedence.  A few of the causes that can sidetrack a young lady are:

• The world’s beauty
• You need more than a guy
• Feminism
• Equality

She goes into detail on some of the real purposes that young women need to look into:

• Inner beauty
• Femininity
• Modesty
• Purity
• Marriage in God’s Will
• Friends
• Submission
• And most importantly, Seeking First the Kingdom of God, THE CAUSE

This is one power-packed book of what womanhood truly means.  Coming from a young college student, you know God has given her truths and wisdom beyond her years.  She pulls no punches, but she does couch it with a lot of humor and wit.   No questioning her loyalty to her Lord.

Hannah’s addition of her own and other’s personal stories brings the points of truth across in a unique and applicable way.

Every young woman and teen needs to read Hannah’s book to get a better handle on God’s love for them and to submit to His ways for their own joy and the joy of serving others.  In fact, it would be a great book for a mother/daughter discussion time.  A time to bond and learn how to be a Godly women after His own heart.

I received this book free from Moody Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program.  I was not required to write a positive review.  The opinions I have expressed are my own.

“Money & Marriage” Litfuse blog tour and GIVEAWAY~~Matt Bell

A complete guide for engaged and newly married couples!

Book Blurb:

Newly wed couples quickly discover that money is a big deal in their new lives together.  Conversations about money can all too easily turn into arguments about spending habits, credit card debt, and when to make major purchases.  Getting on the same financial page is essential because research has shown that the more frequently a couple fights about finances, the more likely they are to divorce.  So how do you as an engaged or newly married couple work as a team when dealing with money?

Financial expert Matt Bell shows you the way.  This book will help you make the most of each other’s financial strengths, teaching you how to work together to build a solid financial future.  Through a ten-step action plan, you’ll learn how to prioritize goals, get out of debt, build savings, invest wisely, buy a house, and much more–all in a way that minimizes stress and maximized unity.  With this essential guide, you’ll avoid pitfall and place yourselves on the path to financial success.

Bio:

Matt Bell is a personal finance expert whose previous books includes Money, Purpose, Joy and Money Strategies for Tough Times.  He leads workshops throughout the country; has been featured in major media such as USA TODAY, U.S. News & World Report, and WGN-TV; and writes the MattAboutMoney.com blog.

My Review:

Though I’m past the engaged/newlywed stage, I found Matt’s book to be one of the most comprehensive books on money issues and life’s purposes in a marriage.  It’s  thorough and extensive, with an easy-to-read format (except maybe the investing portion–obviously not one of my strengths).

He teaches couples how to identify each others financial strengths and weaknesses and how to work together within that scope.  I was impressed with the fact that he includes each partner’s past experiences with finances, their personal temperaments, and how both influence how each partner deals with finances.

Matt includes a ten-step action plan for financial success, which includes:

1. Plan to Succeed-budgeting
2. Work Wisely-diligence and gaining new skills
3. Give Some Away-tithing and giving
4. Put Some Away-savings and emergency funds
5. Ruthlessly Avoid Debt-the high price of debt
6. Manage Your Credit Score-paying bills, credit use, ID theft
7. Patiently Pursue Interest-goal setting and investing
8. Build Walls of Protection-different insurances
9. Spend Smart on Housing-to buy or not to buy
10. Spend Smart on All Other Expenses-being a smart shopper

He includes charts on financial, experiential, and emotional net worth; a chart on the different temperaments; and a monthly cash flow plan and a monthly cash flow tracker chart to help you accomplish the above ten steps.  They seem a little daunting at first glance, but they are great for tracking your expenditures and income, so you keep afloat of your finances.

One of the most important sections is the ‘Fostering Financial Oneness.’  When you get married, you become ‘one flesh.’  Working together makes for a smoother ride in your marriage.  Included are the three life purposes:

1. Love God
2. Love People
3. Make a Difference

I’ll say it again, this is one of the most comprehensive books for engaged/newly married couples dealing with finances and the purposes of their lives.   A must-read before you get married.  Where was this book when we got married?

MATT BELL’S NEST EGG GIVEAWAY!

Win a free financial session and $100 Visa cash card in the Matt Bell’s Nest Egg Giveaway!

To celebrate the release of Money & Marriage, Matt Bell is giving away a Nest Egg Prize Package worth over $250. To enter just click on one of the icons below!

• A Free 1 Hour Financial Session
• A $100 Visa Cash Card
• A signed copy of Matt’s Money, Purpose, Joy and Money Strategies for Tough Times

Enter today, the contest ends on April 11^th. Tell your friends and be sure to pick up a copy of Money & Marriage – important principles whether you’re newly engaged or just celebrated your 30^th anniversary!

Matt will announce the winner on his blog April 13th!

To enter just click one of the icons below. Then tell your friends. And hurry – the contest ends April 11th. The winner will be announced on Matt’s Blog on April 13, here:  http://www.mattaboutmoney.com/blog/

Enter to win a free financial session and a $100 Visa card in Matt Bell’s Money & Marriage Nest Egg Giveaway! All the details here: http://litfusegroup.com/blogtours/text/13162540

This book was provided by Amy Lathrop of Litfuse Publicity Group for hosting this giveaway and in exchange for my honest review.

Book Discussion: “Money and Marriage: Living With Financial Freedom” and by Matt Bell; Plus Discussion on ‘Who’s On Your Board of Directors?”

Money and Marriage: Living With Financial Freedom By…

 

Matt Bell

For many couples, money is a tough topic.  But there’s one financial issue that, like no other, causes financial discomfort among couples and raises the chances for financial fights: debt.

Take Off the Shackles

The Bible says, “The borrower is servant to the lender.”  Living as a servant to a lender isn’t wise for any of us, but it’s especially problematic in marriage.

Researcher Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University has found that not only does consumer debt (credit card debt and other installment loans) fuel a sense of financial unease among couples and increase the likelihood that they will argue about money, but “this financial unease casts a pall over marriages in general, raising the likelihood that couples will argue over issues other than money and decreasing the time they spend with one another.”

Dew’s research shows that newlyweds that take on substantial consumer debt become less happy in their marriages over time. On the other hand, newly married couples that pay off their consumer debt within their first five years of marriage are more satisfied with their marriage. Those findings held up no matter whether couples were rich or poor.

Whose Debt Is It?

How couples approach their debt is important as well.

When Scott and Karen got married, Karen brought $50,000 of non-mortgage debt into the marriage.  Scott jokingly referred to it as a reverse dowry.

One of the things I love about their story is that from the earliest days of their marriage, whenever Karen would talk about “my” debt, Scott would correct her by saying is was “our” debt. Now there’s a guy who is committed to financial oneness.

One other notable part of their story is that their faith-based convictions motivated them to give away 10 percent of their income throughout their journey of getting out of debt. Karen remembered seeing their year-end giving statement, and thinking, ‘Gee, we could have gotten out of debt so much faster if we had put that money toward our debts.” And she remembers hearing other people’s stories of unexpected blessings they felt came about because of their giving. “I started wondering where’s my cool story?” she said.

Six-and-a-half years after getting married, Scott and Karen made their last debt payment. It was a day neither one of them will ever forget. “It was amazing,” Karen says. “We felt like it was a hard road we had traveled, but we did it, and we did it in a God-honoring way. We are 100 percent debt-free.”

Scott will soon be able to retire with a full pension at a much younger age than most people, having put in over twenty years as a Chicago firefighter. They’re thinking about getting an RV and spending a year traveling the country.

Sounds pretty cool to me.

Be Done With Debt ASAP

If you are engaged or newly married, make it one of your highest financial priorities to get out of debt and then live the rest of your lives with no debt other than a reasonable mortgage (One that requires no more than 25% of monthly household gross income to pay for the combination of your mortgage, taxes, and insurance).

Put together a spending plan that enables you to maximize debt repayment.  You may find it helpful to use the recommended spending plans found in the “Money, Purpose, Joy,” workbook, which contains detailed plans for four different size households across nine different annual incomes.

Very often, when couples get married they get excited about all that they’ll be able to afford with two incomes.  But I encourage all newly married couples to base their lifestyle mostly on one income.  It’s the single most helpful step you can take to prepare for children since it makes it much easier for one spouse to choose to step out of the paid workforce if that’s their desire.

If you have debt, it’s especially important to live mostly on one income so you can use the other income to get out of debt.  Doing so will make all the difference in helping you build a solid financial foundation and live with financial freedom.

Matt Bell is the author of three personal finance books published by NavPress, including his latest: “Money & Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples.”  Matt leads workshops throughout the country and blogs at www.MattAboutMoney.com.

Who’s On Your Board of Directors?

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22

My friend, Brad, calls it their annual “Dixie Fraley talk.”  Once a year, he and his wife, Nancy, meet with their personal board of directors, which includes their CPA, attorney, and financial planner.  Brad and Nancy reveal their balance sheet, budget, giving plans for the year, along with plans to build their marriage and encourage their adult children.  Then they open it up for comments and suggestions.

Brad got the idea after hearing a talk given by Dixie Fraley, widow of Robert Fraley, a sports agent who died in the same plane crash that took the life of professional golfer Payne Stewart.  In the talk, Dixie described how Robert had organized annual meetings with trusted advisors, and how those meetings had left her well prepared to manage her financial affairs after Robert’s death.

Brad candidly acknowledges that prior to setting up their own board of directors, he had been leaving Nancy out of important financial decisions, and in some cases moving ahead with decisions she did not agree with.  Not surprisingly, finances had become a point of tension in their marriage.  By submitting to the counsel of others, Nancy gained a voice in their financial affairs.  “The meetings have made us more of a team,” Brad said.  “Really, they’ve been a marriage saver.”

Members of Brad and Nancy’s board have challenged them on everything from the number of hours brad works to how much money they keep in reserve.  Most importantly from Brad’s perspective, if anything happens to him, Nancy is on a first-name basis with a team of trusted advisors.

In Dixie Fraley’s talk, she mentioned that one million Americans lose their spouses each year, and over 80 percent of women will become widows. Financially, how prepared would your spouse be if something happened to you?  Does anyone else know your financial details, goals, and commitments?  If not, maybe it’s time to put together your own personal board of directors.

Matt Bell is the author of three personal finance books published by NavPress, including his latest: “Money & Marriage: A Complete Guide for Engaged and Newly Married Couples.”  Matt leads workshops throughout the country and blogs at www.MattAboutMoney.com.